Concerning the Oakwood Falls Massacree

A quick note: This poem was written for fun. I wrote it with a horror movie/classic Halloween vibe in mind. It in no way is meant to offend nor is it a commentary on religion. All one needs to do is read and enjoy. Also, I know there may be some historical inaccuracies about the history of Halloween. That's okay. I'm claiming poetic license😁

On All Hallow's Eve, Sixteen Eighty-three

Occurred the Oakwood Falls Massacree

This God-fearing town of fifty head

Fought valiantly against hordes of undead

As the full moon shone through storm grey clouds

The deceased rose up forming jangly-boned crowds

From areas allocated for eternal slumber

Corpses climbed out in countless numbers

They lurched in rank down the dusty dirt path

Toward the church where people sang of God’s wrath

Worshipping The Lord on Satan’s night

The residents oblivious to the impending plight

Choruses of Hallelujahs filled the air

Drawing the dead to congregate there

They surrounded the town’s House of God

Dripping with rain, rotting flesh, and sod

As Praise to the Almighty came to a close

The Reverend James Prescott from his chair arose

And asked the people for silence to pray

On this, the most, unholy of days

The parishioners as one bowed their heads

To pray to their God for mercy ahead

Yet before the Reverend could utter a word

A noise from outside was suddenly heard

It was the barking of the Sullivan’s hound

From next to the church where the hound was bound

Then all of the dogs in the town sang out

Warning Oakwood Falls of things about

Ignatius Blacksmith on Prescott’s right

Took upon himself to search the night

He strode to the window, looked through the pane

When he turned around his face was wane

His wife, Polly, ran to his side

Asked what he seen when he looked outside

He sunk to his knees before he said,

“All I see is a sea of dead”

“Of what do you speak?”, asked Andrew Rawls

“What did you see outside these walls?”

Ignatius Blacksmith rose to his feet

“If you open the door, the dead you’ll meet.”

Murmurs sprang up around the nave

Until Reverend Prescott’s hand did wave

When he spoke, his voice was stoic

His flock looked to him as one heroic

He looked to Ignatius and said, “Explain.

“And be precise when you tell us again.”

Ignatius spoke - “It is as I said

“Our ancestors live that we buried for dead.”

“I don’t believe you!” cried Francis Gill

And he looked out, his hands on the sill

He leaned in close, forehead to glass

Preceding an unexpected crash

Hands broke through and grabbed Gill’s neck

Pulling his feet clear off the deck

His body was dragged through jagged shards

Into the evil out in the yard

Gill screamed for the Almighty Lord

To pluck him from this Devil’s horde

But his pleas were drowned by grisly sounds

Far worse than the baying of Hell’s own hounds

For the smell of blood was in the night

Causing each of the dead to want a bite

Growls and groans, howls and moans

Filled the air with frightening tones

Only then did the people begin

To succumb to the panic they felt within

Families ran for the church house door

While others wailed upon the floor

But the Reverend called his flock to halt

Opening the trap to the underground vault

Quickly he ushered the young below

As well as their teacher, the widow Stowe

Everyone else was to form a wall

To keep the undead outside the hall

Then, in unison, all who were there

Recited the Lord’s Prayer with righteous flair

They repeated it over and over again

Even as the death toll rose to ten

The Logan brothers were the next to go

Then Mary Gadsen and her father Joe

Then the butcher’s son, Albert Sprague

Was torn to pieces by the walking plague

After that the church door was breached

And the Dades were taken while Prescott preached

With the Dades gone - all Hell broke loose

Colm Kelly reached for a bench to use

And the first being that lurched his way

Was given back its eternal stay

For the being’s head was separated from

The shoulders and body from which it’d come

Without its head, the body humbled

Into a harmless mass of bones it crumbled

Colm cried out to all who could

“Pick up the benches made of wood

“Take off their heads, even if they be

“The bodies of your own family”

With thwacks, whacks, and brain busting cracks

They began to beat the zombies back

But just when things started going their way

Daniel Johnson got caught in the fray

Rachel, his wife, who’d been battling along

Tried to rescue him from the throng

She reached for his shirt to pull him free

Yet grabbed the hand of an enemy

As the wedded Johnsons were torn asunder

Flashes of lightning and claps of thunder

Filled the darkness with sound and light

Causing the villagers to renew their fright

Many panicked and tried to run

And were nearly dead before they’d begun

With the number of living quickly dwindling

And the benches becoming nothing but kindling

All hope began to fade

A number of sacrifices were now being made

When a corpse came for Rawls and his son

Andrew did what could be done

He pushed his son into its arms

Himself dashing from the harm

Yet there wasn’t time for Rawls’s shame

Because right quick his time came

As he ran he tripped on the head

Of one of the decapitated now deceased undead

He stumbled into the loving embrace

Of his long ago buried Great Aunt Grace

She smiled at him with faint recognition

Then bit off his face without remission

His screams were drowned in the panic all round

Things were grim for this tiny, little town

That’s when Hazel Good blew in

Hovering above the visceral din

One by one the zombies fell

With a point of her hand and an unspoken spell

Within minutes all that remained

Were those still living and a pile of slain

The frightened children and the widow Stowe

Were given release from the keep below

Tears still ran and embraces were shared

All while Hazel hung in the air

Once calmed the Oakwood folk

Listened to the words Miss Good spoke

“My name has carried on your whispers

“You’ve spoken it often during vespers

“You’ve made accusations you could not prove

“About the circles in which I move”

“Now on this night you know they be true

“So I will make this promise to you

“It was not I who brought forth the dead

“It was not I for whom they fed”

“Yet, it was I who came to your aid

“Saved you from the walking decayed

“Of this night we will never speak

“You will no longer utter ‘Hazel the freak’”

“For if you do upon you I’ll wreak

“Events that would be far more bleak

“If this pact is kept with fervor

“I’ll remain your loving neighbor”

With that Hazel flew out the door

Never once touching feet to floor

The Reverend Prescott while everyone kneeled

Prayed that all the injured be healed

From that day forward it was never broached

How the once dead had once approached

This God-fearing town out in the wood

The one with a resident named Hazel Good

It’s up to you whether or not to believe

This tale about All Hallow’s Eve

Back in the year Sixteen Eighty-three

Of the Oakwood Falls Massacree

Concerning Patriotism

I’m just going to come right out and say it: The United States is not a great nation. It’s an okay nation. Quite possibly a good nation. Not a great one.

(Here comes the vitriol.)

“You unpatriotic SOB!”

“If you don’t like it here, why don’t you leave?!”

“You’re disrespecting every person who ever fought or lost their lives defending this nation.”

“Die you pinko-liberal scum!”

Wait.

Take a moment.

Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth.

Allow me a few seconds to defend my position, then you can tear into me.

At times and in specific arenas, the United States has, indeed, been a great nation. When the US declared independence from Britain in 1776 and eventually gained sovereignty in 1783, it proved it had the potential to be a great nation. Not only did it kick off a rash of independence movements around the globe1, it resulted in the creation of the US Constitution which has been used as a blueprint for similar documents the world over.2 It was America that made freedom fashionable and that is not something to thumb one’s nose at. Not only did we make independence from imperial rule en vogue, we made the freedoms of speech, religion, press, assembly, due process, et al, guaranteed rights. That’s pretty badass, especially considering it’s been 250 years and for the most part we’re still adhering to those ideals fairly well.

There are other areas where the United States has excelled over the years. For many, many years, the United States truly was the Land of Opportunity. For generations, people left their homes in search of something better - a place where they could make their way, their fortune, their legacy - and it was in the United States they found it. Of course, those people were overwhelmingly white males of European descent but slowly, over time, and only because new legislation made it possible, women and other ethnic and racial minorities joined the party.

However, there is less and less data to support the claim that opportunity continues to be abundantly available. Take it from the United States Department of Education itself.

"America is not yet the country it strives to be - a place where all who are willing to work hard can get ahead, join a thriving middle class, and lead fulfilling lives. Our country derives much of its strength from its core value as a land of opportunity. But, today, economic mobility is actually greater in a number of other countries."3

I’m not saying there is a complete lack of opportunity. That would be silly. Compared to many countries around the world, things here are pretty darn good. Nonetheless, just because it’s good doesn’t mean it can’t be better. Remember, we’re talking about greatness here. As we all learned at a young age, good ≠ great. For instance, take a moment to ponder my pseudonym: The Great and Mighty Nobody. Do you honestly think I created that out of egotism? It was always satirical in nature. I am perfectly aware how insipidly average I actually am. Unfortunately, when most Americans bandy the term ‘great’ about in reference to the United States, they’re doing so purposefully.

Then, obviously, there is the economy. After gaining independence, the United States economy grew rapidly. By 1900, the US accounted for a majority percentage of the world gross domestic product (GDP). Peaking in 1950, the United States was the world leader in economic globalization. Yet recently, our leadership and market percentage has shrunk, with China now slightly ahead. Obviously, we’re still a major player, but the trends aren’t necessarily positive. (As you can see displayed in the chart here.4)

Additionally, there are the much lesser, though I would argue just as important, factors of American greatness: food (BBQ, chocolate chip cookies, root beer, maple syrup), entertainment (sports [baseball] and sports teams, the movie and television industries, music), diversity (in both peoples - see our census data & geography - see our national parks), scientific inquiry and innovation, Post-It Notes. But here’s the thing about each of those - nearly every nation on the Earth can make similar claims. (Take Uruguay:  it is where the modern mammogram was invented, has the largest middle class in the Americas5, and has foods like the chivito - a steak sandwich.)

Oh my, that looks tasty. Mmm.

What I’m trying to say is, yes, the United States has done some truly extraordinary and great things in its two and a half century history, but that doesn’t mean it is great now. We cannot live in the past; we have an obligation to leave this country in a better place than we found it, and personally, I don’t think we’re there. I’m not saying it’s worse (I’m also not saying it’s not) but there are so many imperfections that need attention. Racial inequality, income inequality, homelessness, COVID-19, ass backward regulation, inadequate oversight, an antiquated education system, climate change, bacon shortages. Bacon shortages people!!! Just because these don’t affect you doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Why are so many of us willing to ignore issues that aren’t necessarily our own? Why is there so much whataboutism - what about me and my problems? Everybody has issues but that doesn’t preclude one from having concern for others.

All of this brings me to my final point and it’s in response to those who think all of my criticism is unpatriotic. Not only do I disagree, I actually believe something possibly even more blasphemous: The height of patriotism is recognizing the faults of one’s own country and trying to invoke the changes needed to fulfill its ideals.

This summer, while my best friend, Teacher Geek*, was here visiting from England, we had a conversation about this exact topic. It was he who made the point above and I couldn’t agree more. If you look patriotism up in the dictionary (Merriam-Webster), it is defined as “the love for or devotion to one’s country.”6 Look, if you doubt my love or devotion to this country I can point to one reason you shouldn’t. I’m still here. Many times since returning (in 2009) from my year and a half stint in the UK, I have thought about vacating the premises. Yet, I haven’t. I’m here and I’m doing what little I can to help make improvements. This blog should be another piece of evidence that I love this country. I know some of you think these posts are just me being critical, but I write these in hopes of creating a conversation. Not sure how successful I’m being, but I’m trying. These posts are not easy for me to compose. They drain me mentally and take a great deal of time to research and write, but apparently, a part of me thinks that maybe it might make a small difference. (Let me know if you think so. I could use some encouragement.☺️)

If you still think me unpatriotic, let me offer up one final rebuttal. I think people often confuse patriotism and nationalism. Much like patriotism, nationalism as initially defined by Merriam-Webster is “loyalty and devotion to a nation”, but it doesn’t end there. It goes on to say that nationalism is “loyalty and devotion to a nation especially [M-W’s emphasis, not mine] a sense of national consciousness exalting one nation above all others and placing primary emphasis on promotion of its culture and interests as opposed to those of other nations.”7 I do not consider myself a nationlist. Excessive nationalism can be dangerous. Additionally, I love my country, yet out of respect for others, I will not place America and its culture above all others. Talk about disrespect! How dare I consider where I live better than everywhere else just because I was lucky enough to be born here? What hubris!

Look, the world came to view the United States as a great nation because it was believed to be a place where anyone was welcome to come and be who they wanted to be. They saw the US as a country where all were free to be any race, religion, gender, ethnicity, culture, profession, dietary preference, so on and so forth, and not be persecuted for it. Now, in principle, I suppose it may have been, but you and I know, if we’re being truly honest Americans, it never was. Cripes, during the height of immigration, white people persecuted other white people if they didn’t share a homeland. And from the very beginning, women, blacks, Jews, Muslims, Asians, Latinx, Native peoples, those of the LGBTQ community, and others have rarely gotten a fair shake. And they are still not getting one. But here’s the thing: they could be. This could be the America people have always believed it was. How great could the United States be if we took the best each and every one of us has to offer and brought it all together? We’d be the envy of the world once again. We’d be, in a word, great!

I want to finish by saying, and I really hope those of you who don’t necessarily agree with me made it this far, that the United States is a good place to live. I was just trying to ruffle some feathers when I said it was just okay. Even with the division and unrest, there are so many things to be thankful for here in this country. Yet, that doesn’t mean we should be content. Recall, complacency breeds contempt. Trust me, I would know better than most. I think that’s one of the reasons we are where we are. We all became a little too comfortable with where we were as a nation then all of a sudden the dam burst. So, today, I’m going to ask each of you for one little thing...let’s all be a little better tomorrow than we were today. Let’s not worry about what others should do to better themselves, let’s focus on what we can control. Think of one tiny flaw you possess and commit to eliminating it. If every person did this once a week, a month, or heck, even once a year, imagine how quickly the United States could truly become great. And that would make the world a better place for us all.

Here's a five minute clip from the TV show The Newsroom# that sums this all up nicely. I promise I did not take my idea from here, but I admit, it saddens me that it does so much more succinctly and with a higher entertainment factor than I ever could have.

*Teacher Geek is my best friend Mark. He recently started his own YouTube page where he helps teachers have fun and be creative in their use of technology. He is also the one that suggested the clip above.

#The Newsroom is an HBO production written by Aaron Sorkin.

1 https://www.history.com/topics/american-revolution/global-impact-of-the-american-revolution-video

2 https://www.encyclopedia.com/politics/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/influence-american-constitution-abroad

3 https://www.ed.gov/equity

4 https://www.visualcapitalist.com/2000-years-economic-history-one-chart/

5 https://wearecapicua.com/10-facts-you-might-not-know-about-uruguay/

6 https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/patriotism

7 https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/nationalism